Forensics, Grief & Loss, Healing, Recovery, The Aftermath, Thea's Thoughts

Dr. Neal Haskell, Forensic Entomologist

It took me a while to find Dr. Neal Haskell.  During my research if there’s a science that exist to determine the decedent’s time of death during an advanced stage of decomposition, I stumbled on the Caylee Anthony’s story.   He was one of the Forensic Entomologists who had determined Caylee Anthony’s approximate time of death. If you watch Investigation Discovery, you’ll learn that Forensic entomology is an application and study of insect and other arthropod biology to criminal matters.

Dr. Neal Haskell
Dr. Neal Haskell

The LA County Department of Coroner hired a Forensic Anthropologist to help with Steve’s manner of death but she told me that after two days, it’ll be hard to determine the decedent’s time of death. The reason why I sought out Dr. Neal Haskell was because I believe Continue reading “Dr. Neal Haskell, Forensic Entomologist”

Grief & Loss, Healing, The Aftermath, Thea's Thoughts

Where Is Daddy?

Occasionally, the little munchkin and I will go out for dinner instead of staying at home on a weekday.  I would still cook but not that often since it’s just me and the little one. Most of the time when we go out, he would order his mac and cheese. It’s interesting to see how different restaurants interpret their own version of mac and cheese. I think he had tasted them all. He’s my little creature of habit.

Daddy and Me
Daddy and Me, 2010.

After our meal, I brought him inside the public bathroom for potty time. As I was cleaning him up, he looked up to me and started talking:

Continue reading “Where Is Daddy?”

Grief & Loss, Reminiscing, Thea's Thoughts

Steve’s Factor

With so many things going on, we’re among the 11 million people who will be filing the 2011 income tax return this coming October 15. I finally emailed my accountant, sending her my files and now I’m done.

Steve's TV Time
Steve’s TV Time

That’s why I was able to get a chance to watch television earlier. It has been a while since I really paid attention to any tv shows. The little munchkin had already been  tucked in  to bed and suddenly, the living room was filled with deafening silence. I sat down on the sofa  and turned on the television  to avoid the feeling of emptiness  and checked out what looked interesting to me. So many choices, I thought. I settled on the new show, “Revolution.” It’s kinda related to one of the things that I was feeling at that moment.

The simple act of choosing a show that seemed to appeal to me brought back memories about Steve again. He always teased me on my choices. He’s not a fan of the fantasy and science fiction genre. But that’s alright with me. It’s not a big deal.  At that time of the night, we would be sitting down on our sofa and relax. He would either serve us both hot tea or wine or beer. It depended on how we were both feeling at that time. We would sometimes argue which show we were about to watch. I’d always recorded the shows that  I liked, so I will be sitting with him when it was his turn to watch sports or the O’ Reilly Factor. He loved that show and I playfully teased him about that. I miss those moments. I miss him. When he started not watching that show, I instinctively felt that something was wrong.

Grief & Loss, Healing, Quotes & Excerpts, Thea's Thoughts

Without You

With all the things that I have on my plate, I’m filing my taxes so late. Thank God for the extension. While I was working on my 2011 taxes, I’d just stopped to listen to the music that was playing on my macbook. It was “Without You,” from the musical Rent. Most of the time there are songs that just speaks to you.

Rent, The Musical
Rent, The Musical

WITHOUT YOU
by Jonathan Larson

Mimi
Without you, the ground thaws, the rain falls, the grass grows.
Without you, the seeds root, the flowers bloom, the children play.
The stars gleam, the poets dream, the eagles fly, without you.
The earth turns, the sun burns, but I die, without you.

Without you, the breeze warms, the girl smiles, the cloud moves.
Without you, the tides change, the boys run, the oceans crash.
The crowds roar, the days soar, the babies cry, without you.
The moon glows, the river flows, but I die, without you.

Roger
The world revives—

Mimi
Colors renew—

Both
But I know blue, only blue, lonely blue, within me blue.

Mimi
Without you.
Without you, the hand gropes, the ear hears, the pulse beats.

Roger
Without you, the eyes gaze, the legs walk, the lungs breathe.

Roger
The mind churns!

Mimi
The mind churns!

Roger
The heart yearns!
Mimi
The heart yearns!

Both
The tears dry, without you.
Life goes on, but I’m gone.
Cause I die, without you.

Mimi
Without you.

Roger
Without you.

Both
Without you.

Grief & Loss, Healing, Quotes & Excerpts, Thea's Thoughts

Books About Grief And Loss

I’d always loved reading books. I could go on for days just reading. Steve loved it, too. We could be sitting side by side reading a book. But we do have different taste in books. He prefers nonfiction and I prefer fiction works. But these days, it seems I have a lot less time for reading. Whenever I can, I try to read a few pages at a time to read a book.

Here are some of the books that I’m currently reading or planning to read:
“No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving The Suicide Of A Loved One,” by Carla Fine.

No Time To Say Goodbye
No Time To Say Goodbye

 

“Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide,” by Kay Redfield Jamison.

Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide
Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide

 

“Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief,” by Pauline Boss.

Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief
Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief

 

These books had been inspiring me to continue on writing down my thoughts. Maybe, I’ll write a book someday but that’s too far ahead and that thought scares me. Again, one day at a time.

The last set of books that Steve had been reading were:
Red on Red: A Novel,” by Edward Conlon
“Blood Lessons.” by Charles Remberg
“The Longest War: The Enduring Conflict between America and Al-Qaeda,” by Peter Bergen
“A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose,”by Eckhart Tolle