Grief & Loss, Healing, The Aftermath, Thea's Thoughts

Where Is Daddy?

Occasionally, the little munchkin and I will go out for dinner instead of staying at home on a weekday.  I would still cook but not that often since it’s just me and the little one. Most of the time when we go out, he would order his mac and cheese. It’s interesting to see how different restaurants interpret their own version of mac and cheese. I think he had tasted them all. He’s my little creature of habit.

Daddy and Me
Daddy and Me, 2010.

After our meal, I brought him inside the public bathroom for potty time. As I was cleaning him up, he looked up to me and started talking:

“Mommy?” His big brown eyes looked intently into mine.

“What is it, honey?” I asked casually, psyching myself for a dinosaur talk because the little one has been having a dinosaur craze phase.

“Where is Daddy?” He asked me innocently but it was so direct that I suddenly thought it was coming from a 12 year old child instead of this gentle little soul who is barely three years old.

I was so taken aback with his question that I paused for a moment to collect my thoughts.

“Do you miss, Daddy?” I asked my little one.

“Yes.” There was such longing in his voice with this simple word of affirmation that was breaking my heart. Why did I ask that? I mentally kicked myself.

“I miss him too, sweetie.” That was all I can say at that moment that was right for me.

“Mommy. Hug, please.” I held him in my arms and I was hoping at that moment this would compensate his longing for his Daddy. “Mommy. It’s playtime.” I let out a sigh of relief and hugged him again.

1 thought on “Where Is Daddy?”

  1. It sounds like you said the right thing, Thea. So hard to have to confront the many ways and moments you both miss Steve, in everyday life.

    I’m glad he can talk about missing his Daddy and that you’re there for him, as hard as it is. And that you’re there with a big hug, too.

    xoxo to you both.


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