Recovery, Thea's Thoughts

5th Day of Recovery

We had started working on the preparations for the funeral service the day before just in case it was him. I was numb with pain but I have to do the 1001 task that needs to be done.

A Sunflower To You

The FBI SACs met with me at home regarding the updates on benefits which was one of their administrative task. I just stared at the paper and envelope and I was thinking, “What is this? What is the benefit of Steve being gone? I want him ALIVE.”

For those who didn’t know him, he was full of life. The body in the coroner’s office is not the Steve I know and love. But it’s him. I love him so much and it hurts to think that this is happening and this still feels surreal. And I miss him so.

The funeral details will be posted here on the website. For those who had helped me and guided me in this journey. I am eternally grateful. Another journey awaits and I pray everyday for clarity, to lift this veil of cloud in my mind and pain in my heart so I can see clearly the path that lays before me.

15 thoughts on “5th Day of Recovery”

  1. Sweet friend, there are no words I can say that will ease what you are feeling, but know that I am here. I am racking my brain, thinking about what I can do for you. All I can offer is my friendship.


  2. Thea, Words cannot express how very sorry we are on the Pandora Angels website. We are all here for you in whatever way we can be long distance. We hope and pray that you will find the strength and will to carry on. Please let us know if there is ever anything we can do.


  3. Thea,

    I am so very sorry for your loss. In the short time I knew Steven, I saw in him a loving father, husband and kind soul to those he met. I feel honored to be able to say I knew him and more honored to have been invited into your lives and home. If there is anything I can do for the family, don’t hesitate to ask it of me. My prayers are with you and the family.


  4. I imagine the range of emotions that you and Kyle must be going through. I look forward to the day that we can be back in California visiting with you and Kyle. Steve was a great guy and it’s hard to believe he’s gone.


  5. Thea, I know of your family thru Angel page. I’m so sorry for your loss. May you continue your life’s journey with the fondest of memories and the beautiful strength and grace you have shown throughout.


  6. Thea and Kyle, words cannot express the hurt I feel for you during this time of heartbreak and sadness. I am sorry for you both and hope your future journey is not too difficult and painful. Take care of yourself.



  7. I can’t think of any word to comfort you. I can’t say I feel your pain because I don’t. The best thing I can offer you is my prayers and for God to give you the strength to move forward. I’m so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you, kyle and for steve that he may find peace where ever he is now.


  8. My condolences, Thea. I know this is not the right time to ask, but did you ask for a DNA confirmation that the body is indeed your husband?

    Again, I’m sorry for your loss.


  9. Thea, Please take time to rest. You have never rested. You kept going and searching day after day, NEVER giving up. You are one of the most inspiring , remarkable women I have ever known.You need to take some Thea time. God will show you the way.I will be there for you in my thoughts and prayers. RoseAnne Munson<3


  10. Steve Ivens family, I am so sorry for the loss of your loved one Steve.You are in my prayers. God Bless You. RoseAnne Munson


  11. My deepest condolences to you and your family. I know the pain you feel, someone very close to me also ended their life with a firearm. I was un denial and disbelief, my entire psyche and thoughts were numb. It was a long and strained grieving process but eventually as in all things, it passed. Stay strong and persevere. May Steve Ivens rest in peace.


  12. My heart goes out to you, Thea. My condolences. I would’ve gone to the funeral if I were there but we won’t be in LA until the 14th. I pray that you have strength and faith to cope with this saddest event in your life.


  13. Thea,

    My deepest condolences to you and your family. My heart goes to you and your child. You don’t know me, but your aunt naomi might still remember me during our younger years. i just come across your facebook page and it touch my heart to read your everyday thoughts and i could feel how sad and lonely your situation.. it made me teary eyed. Please be strong for your child and think that everything happens for a reason. God bless you and your child always. .


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