My heart was shattered into pieces. My whole being was screaming “NO! It’s not Steve!”
It was the new norm for me: getting ready for work, bringing the little munchkin to Nursery, attending the morning mass at St. Francis Xavier Catholic Church then on my way to work. I received a call from the FBI that there has been a body found and because it was in Burbank, it could be Steve’s. I tried to ignore this and focused on going to work and I was thinking, it could be anybody.
I started to get worried because they picked me up from work to bring me home but they said there was still no confirmation about the ID. The detectives that was on the site were still working on this. But I was in the church that morning and I was looking at the helicopters wondering why there was such a commotion in the hills. I was there that morning and I DIDN’T KNOW!
I turned on the television, everybody was already saying it was him and they were telling me that there was no confirmation yet. Before lunch, the SAC came to my home and told me that his gun was identified. Now, there was a 99% possibility that it was him but it felt like, I was the last one to know. I clinged to that 1% chance that it wasn’t him. But messages came and I knew that all those sincere thoughts were coming from the heart but I couldn’t take it. I was praying that morning for the moment that Steve would be finally found and it wasn’t the answer I wanted.
I couldn’t answer any messages because I was clinging to that 1% chance that it wasn’t him. I wanted to see the body. I wanted to know for sure.