Thea's Thoughts

79 Days

Family Time.

I’d never thought there’ll come a time that we’ll be having family dinner get- togethers  without Steve. He has always been there. These days, whenever we have get togethers, we talk about how Steve would have this and that, how Steve would have reacted, what Steve would say. He hasn’t been there physically, but it’s as if he’d never disappeared. He has been present in my family’s  hearts and minds.

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Whenever my family and extended family are around, I feel that I’m in a cocoon, a safe place where I can be. If I’m having a crying spell, it’s all right. I don’t have to apologize and explain myself and I appreciate that.

I can see that the little munchkin will always remember Steve because he often mention his Daddy out of the blue. Sometimes, I have to control the welling up of sadness whenever he has been mentioning his Daddy because he has been missing him. Whenever he mention his Daddy, sometimes it has tinges of yearning or sadness and sometimes  it has been carefree and joyful.

Earlier my little munchkin and I went to Universal  Studios with our cousins and he had a blast. It has been making me happy to watch him being happy.  I can’t pretend that it gets any better each day that Steve has been gone. But what I can do right now is to enjoy my little moments of happiness with my little munchkin.

3 thoughts on “79 Days”

  1. Oh Sweetie, I really hope and pray that this ends soon. You are the strongest, bravest and most tenacious person I have ever met. I am glad to have you in my life.


  2. Hi Thea,
    I do not know your husband but I take very personal anything that happens to anyone in law enforcement. I’m praying every day for for the safe return of your husband. I just want you to know that people out here that really care. I will continue to pray……


  3. I just read about Steven’s ‘discovery’. My deepest condolences over your terrible loss. I have only a few blood relatives left, myself, so I know the tragedies of losing, actually, nearly everyone, important to me. I read that Steven was depressed. I understand that, as well. He is where he wanted to be, though it’s awful to be floundering in the emotional wake of his demise. Know my thoughts are with you and your family. Warmest of hugs to all- Julie.


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