Recovery, Thea's Thoughts

2nd Day of Recovery

My heart was shattered into pieces. My whole being was screaming “NO! It’s not Steve!”

It was the new norm for me: getting ready for work, bringing the little munchkin to Nursery, attending the morning mass at St. Francis Xavier Catholic Church then on my way to work. I received a call from the FBI that there has been a body found and because it was in Burbank, it could be Steve’s. I tried to ignore this and focused on going to work and I was thinking, it could be anybody.

I started to get worried because they picked me up from work to bring me home but they said there Continue reading “2nd Day of Recovery”

Recovery, Thea's Thoughts

1st Day of Recovery

I sent an email to Detective Gordon requesting a police report because I’d been planning to reach out to C.U.E.(Community United Effort) Center for Missing Person in assisting me in my search to find Steve.

Here’s their website: http://www.ncmissingpersons.org/

I was also following up Kelly Snyder’s detailed report regarding their search thinking that there is a possibility for the BPD to follow up on anything Find Me and AZ-STAR reported to BPD.

Stephen Ryan Ivens, A loving husband & father. He'll be back to us safely soon.
Stephen Ryan Ivens, A loving husband & father. He’ll be back to us safely soon.

Steve Possibly Found:

I wasn’t informed on the first day but according to the reports, a body was found that could possibly indicate that it was Steve. What they told me later on was that it was too dark to investigate the body.

Thea's Thoughts

80 Days

Steve is a New England sports fan – Patriots, Red Sox, Celtics, and Bruins. Our home is here in LA but he’s a Bostonian through and through. He would also check out local news in Boston online whenever he gets the chance.

Daddy and Me
Daddy and Me

We used to go and visit his family twice a year and when the little munchkin was born, it went down to once a year because it’s so hard to travel with an infant. So, my mother-in-law would visit us even Continue reading “80 Days”

Thea's Thoughts

79 Days

Family Time.

I’d never thought there’ll come a time that we’ll be having family dinner get- togethers  without Steve. He has always been there. These days, whenever we have get togethers, we talk about how Steve would have this and that, how Steve would have reacted, what Steve would say. He hasn’t been there physically, but it’s as if he’d never disappeared. He has been present in my family’s  hearts and minds.

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Whenever my family and extended family are around, I feel that I’m in a cocoon, a safe Continue reading “79 Days”

Thea's Thoughts

78 Days

Kelly Snyder, Claudia Shmitz, Sharon Reinhardt, Dan Baldwin, Claudia Shmitz, Sharon Reinhardt, Dan Baldwin, Rick and Gloria Snider, Bob and Terri Davies were part of the Find Me and the Arizona Search Track and Rescue (AZ-STAR) group that volunteered from Arizona.

Find Me & AZ-STAR
Find Me & AZ-STAR

The AZ-STAR dogs that helped in our search for Steve or even clues were YuHu, a Siberian Husky; Stryker, a Belgian Tervuren; and Spenser , a Black Labrador. My little munchkin was able to meet them but he’s a little scared of big dogs. They’re lovely dogs, though.

Stryker
Stryker
Yaha
Yaha

I kept in touch with Kelly and he told me that they’re home safe but just finished doing a search for an Continue reading “78 Days”

Thea's Thoughts

77 Days

In spite of our family crisis, I do have little moments of happiness. When I look at the pictures and videos of Steve, those little things makes me happy. When I wear the stuff my husband has given me as a gift during my birthday, anniversary or holidays, it makes me happy.

Thea and Steve
Thea and Steve

My mom has always told me that I don’t really need to shop anymore because I have everything. But those are things – just stuff. All I need is my family reunited again. I need my husband back.

My stuff. Actually, I’m just stifling this urge to just throw my stuff away. The most practical thing for Continue reading “77 Days”

Thea's Thoughts

76 Days

Faith.

People wear their faith in different ways and I think that’s what makes a person unique from each other. I see rituals as a guide to keep me centered in communion with Him. I see my faith as a way to help me go through this current crisis in our family. My faith helps me in believing that miracles do happen. A miracle happened to my family a year ago and I believe it’ll happen again soon.

Saint Anthony with Jesus
Saint Anthony with Jesus

I’d always use the regular prayers to start off my conversation with God. That’s how I pray. Just a regular conversation like I was talking to my mom or aunt. A week before the Prayer Vigil for Steve’s Continue reading “76 Days”

Thea's Thoughts

75 Days

My morning ritual has changed.  Before, Steve would drop  off our little munchkin to the Nursery school. These days, I would drop him off and sit with him for a little bit while he eats his breakfast.  After that, I would attend the morning mass and then head out to work.

Thea and Steve
Thea and Steve

I miss doing our chores together, our “divide and conquer” routine in the morning and in the evening when we both get home from work.  I miss our “winding down”  time Continue reading “75 Days”

Thea's Thoughts

74 Days

I just bought a roundtrip plane ticket going to Omaha, Nebraska since I finally decided to attend the “Keys to Healing Retreat IV.” It will start on the 10th of August and will end on the 12th. It’s the only retreat for families who have a missing loved one.

Swanson Retreat Center
Swanson Retreat Center

I remember when I was talking to my cousin the first two weeks that Steve had been missing. She suggested to have a time for myself away from it all and maybe a retreat will be a good idea. She Continue reading “74 Days”

Thea's Thoughts

73 Days

My little munchkin and I had taken it easy this Sunday afternoon. My mom and my aunt wanted to go window shopping and I went along just to get into a different environment. I went to the mall and after 30 minutes, I just lost interest in window shopping since I was already thinking about how it’s nice to lie down and take an afternoon nap. I just felt so exhausted lately.

Mommy & Daddy
Mommy & Daddy

When my little munchkin woke up late afternoon, we snuggled in bed and he watched Toy Story while I was writing down my “thoughts” from yesterday. I was browsing Continue reading “73 Days”